i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
