So drunk its hurt
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
