i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
