just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
so let's talk penis.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
