did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You pole danced in your parka.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
