well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
