Your mouth is God's brothel.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
