Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
