every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
