We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just gargled with NyQuil
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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