Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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