I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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