I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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