dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
