My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
