Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Randomize
