Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
