There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
