Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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