How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
