make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
