Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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