FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
