i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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