I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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