puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
