I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
