I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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