what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
