Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
