girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
