She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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