the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
