nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
