So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I want a musical about memes.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
