Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
