I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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