This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
