Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
