whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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