Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
