I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
