shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
