I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
last night I used snow as a chaser
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
