dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
