i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
