I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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