why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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