just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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