I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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